so this could be long since i haven't written in a while... the things that i worry about in my life amaze me... so today we were in lock-down for three hours because the school found a empty gun case and no gun. so as you can see that was pretty intense but i wasn't scared.. we went from three hours of first period to fourth period to lunch and then i have fifth and sixth period with some people that really make me feel funny and i was terrified to go to those classes! i am so pathetic! so anyways i go to fifth and the guy that i have a crush on is in that class and he tells me that he knows someone that is going to ask me to formal and that his last name starts with a B and the guy i like his name doesn't start with a B so i was kinda disappointed so... anyways i figure out who it is and i do not want to go with this guy! and i feel so bad! this is the second time that i have been asked by someone that i don't want to go with and i don't know what to do...
so that all happened today and yesterday i was on YouTube and i was just looking for something to listen to while i did the dishes so i typed in Laminin and i found that video that i had watched for the last three years and it just made me feel so lost and i really don't know who to go on and i don't know what to do with my life. i feel like such a failier in the fact that i could have died today and i was worried about the guy that i like and probably has and never will like me... i honestly have been struggling the last few months and i HATE to confess that i have been struggling because i just feel defeat.there are some things in my life that i cant surrender to but I surrender completely and fully to God almighty. and i know that the will help me make the right decision.
1 comments:
You don't post enough. Just saying. =)
Well, I'm glad everyone was okay during the lock-down. It sounds intense, and I honestly kind of wish that sort of thing would happen at East Linn....minus the danger. I'm not one to favor danger.
Anyways, I'm glad everyone was okay.
As for you and your "defeat," just know that you're in high school. Boys are supposed to wander through your mind. It's natural. If you didn't think about guys at all...well, I think I would be worried a little bit, haha.
I do understand what you're talking about, though...with the failures, and admitting defeat.
Thinking about it, and doing it, are two completely different things. It's so much easier said than done. You know? I mean..."I give up. You win. I lose." It's easy. But that's not exactly what "admitting" it means. Not to me, at least.
It also means "to let go," "To not try any longer to aim or set a goal."
Something along those lines, you know? Just not trying anymore is hard. It depends on what it is, I suppose, but with most things, it's harder than thought of.
Not sure I'm making sense.
On a different note,
I asked Janae if we could have the party at her house. She hasn't gotten back to me yet, but I think it might work. And, providing that we do have a place to do it, I think we'll have it on the 18th. It seems to be the only day that I'm available for a party. Hopefully it works, because I really do want it too. Don't think I've forgotten, either. =)
P.S. You should comment on my blog.... =)
Write back soon...?
- Kyle
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